Sometimes, I really miss those times when I was ghastly thin. People noticed me. Now that I am healthy fat, I’m fading from people’s eyes. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing myself from the outside. The thought of it makes me want to cry.
I’m so tired. It’s 1:22 in the morning. I want to sleep. But when I close my eyes, numbers start running amok. All I can see is the lard dripping off me. In this distorted eyes, everything magically expands.
Whenever I think of posting here again, its like I don’t know this place anymore. So I come and go like the wind. I aspire to be like the wind. You can feel it, but you can’t see it. Sometimes I felt like I zipped out of my skin and saw myself from the outside. Only for a while, everything was weightless. And then, the weight of me comes back, and it’s crushing me. I just need to feel clean again. To float.
Nobody remembers you, not even on your birthday. Because Facebook has reminders for that. You’re just a sad teenager who cries alone in your cold dark room, worried about how your clothes will fit you in the morning. You’re just another sad face on the morning train. The raindrops on the window carry the weight of your thoughts. You wished you could be like the birds in the sky. But you’re stuck in this hole that pulls you deeper and deeper.